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NOT ALL SPONSORSHIP PROPOSALS END IN TEARS

 

Not necessarily the helmet he will wear in the EWS, although it might have made him go faster. Not necessarily the helmet he will wear in the EWS, although it might have made him go faster.

The spots available to the working stiffs in the Enduro World Series round at Crankworx Rotorua were few and hard to get. They sold out in a couple of minutes. One man who was fast enough on the mouse button to ensure a place in that historic and epic event was local physiotherapist Alex Tague. Here is what he did next, transcribed from the original texts (which were accompanied by the photograph above):

I am now officially an EWS rider. Obviously, riding at this level requires sponsorship and I immediately thought of you Gaz (lucky man). Think of the benefits 1/ there is a real media backlash against skinny models and I represent the slightly tubbier athlete 2/ all photos of me will be easily captured in perfect focus due to my reduced velocity 3/ everyone is bored of watching good riders show off the same old boring skills... the kids wanna see crashes on YouTube... slow, awkward unplanned dismounts with lots of expletives! Unlike most of the sponsorship you will receive, this one is true and honest: no talk of 'top ten overall' or 'I will definitely be in magazines with my dashing good looks'. All three points above carry true weight - but I will probably finish first in the 26" category that (race organiser) Chris Ball is going to introduce just before the start (after his children go missing and he receives a blackmail note). I will leave it with you, but be quick before the Syndicate comes a-knockin'! PS keeping my entry on the downlow at the moment.

Dear Alex. Somebody has stolen your phone and making up unbelievable stories about you. Gaz. new text: OK. I think if you are serious this has a lot of potential. Sponsoring a muppet in a man's world is a master stroke. Especially a muppet who will go well on the day. We are keen.

Excellent (said with a slight hunch of the back in an evil genius whisper). Do you want me to start fattening up for the photos?

Not necessary. You are already spotting most of your opponents about 12kgs. And the camera adds an extra 10 or so.

All good. Not much outlay on your part as I already have a race face, a full face and some goggles... (see pic at top).. so Enduro.

Already announced via Instagram and Facebook.

What do you mean #nocashtochangehands? Think of my little children.

 
Alex Tague attempts to dull the pain of an all day effort with a plastic cup half full of beer.